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Breaking News: It is possible to pay for mental health counselling privately if you save hard enough – Katie Hopkins 2017

Normally I would not give this lady my time or breath, as I do not agree with the way she shares her thoughts and opinions. This though. This one caught me off guard. Took me by surprise. Maybe it’s because this one relates to me. Maybe it’s because I feel passionate about it. But I feel like I need to share what I think about this.

I was first diagnosed with Anxiety at 14. I started Self Harming at 15. Then came along the Depression, Binging & Vomiting, and Disacositating from the world. My world can never be normal again, not even with counselling. But counselling helps. It helps me realise that I am more than my diagnosis, that I can still live a life alongside these problems.

Without counselling, my life would be shit. I don’t even think I would be here today if it to be honest. Counselling has literally saved my life and I’m lucky that I get these services that I attend for free. However, if these services were not available to me, and my only option was to pay, **Excuse my language* but fuck me would I not be here today. I’m sorry to say that, but I’m not made of money. At 14, my pocket money would not even pay for one session of counselling. Now, I wouldn’t be able to pay for one session because I work my ass off to make sure that my family never go without anything they want.

I’m sorry Katie, but this time, you got it wrong.

~MonstersLivingInMyMind~

Dear Frankie

Dear Frankie,

You arrived into this world on April 21st, 2017 at 9.30pm, and what a beautiful sight you are. Your blue eyes, your tiny feet, and little hands. You captured my heart.

Your family loves you more than you ever know, but you really did something inside of me. You filled my missing puzzle piece to my heart, and when I hold you, my heart is just complete. Holding you makes me feel so happy inside, and like I am at peace with this world. Everything just stops, the voices in my head go silent, my urges just disappear, everything just goes calm.

I was scared when I heard Auntie was pregnant, thinking how could I ever love something as much as I ever love Zane. He has been my world for 4 years before you, but it’s magical just how much the heart can grow. I should have had no fear. I love you both just the same.

Frankie, you have the world at your feet. You can do anything you want to do, be anything you want to be, but always know that I’m here. I will always protect you in any way I can, always know that you fill my heart when I’m with you.

Love Chelsea x

 

100

I have been through shit and back. My life has done nothing but kills me inside recently. The loneliness has taken over me. The Anxiety. The Depression. The Eating. Everything.

There has been something good out of all this though. I have hit the 100 milestones. 100 days. It has been 100 days of me being Self Harm clean.

Through all this shit that my life has thrown at me, I have come out stronger more than I ever thought I ever could. I have only ever dreamed of this day for 4 years now, and I could not even be happier with myself. I have been so close to relapsing, to the point I made myself bed bound, but I pulled through it. Me. I did it.

Yes, I have support all around me, but if I wanted to relapse I would of. I built resilience, and I held strong. I haven’t hit rock bottom yet, I know I haven’t. But fucking hell will I try my best to not relapse.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Another One

That’s the next one. The next suicide has happened. This one was a few years back now though. Auntie Caz, we thought you died due to heart problems, that’s what the family told us. They lied to us. You died from suicide.

I only found this out a week ago. You died over 5 years ago. That hurts, knowing that everyone kept a secret from us, from me. I know you did it for the best, but why didn’t you tell me sooner. You knew I missed her so much, and my love for her was strong.

I feel like I can only now start giving your lose. I never really had the chance, I was only young when you went, I never knew what death really was. As I grew up, I just kind of accepted it, no need to grieve. But then this all came back up again, and we found out the truth. Now I feel like I lost someone else all over again. To think that someone in my family lost my fight, makes thoughts go around my head that can I really do this. Aunt Caz was so strong and a warrior and she lost her fight, how can I even start to make mine.

I hope you understand why I have been quiet for a while. I will be making my come back, just back to baby steps I go again.

~MonstersLivingInMyMind~

Tom

May 1st, 2017. A body was found in my local woods. A suicide had happened. Little did I know, this was your body, Tom.

We haven’t spoken for a while now Tom, life just got in my way, but we used to be so close.In secondary school, we were in a band together. We done a few shows, we made memories together. Then life just swamped us, you moved to college, and I had GCSE’s to focus on. Even so, when I read ‘Local boy Thomas body found in the woods’ my heart went.

It was 2 am when I found out it was you. I was just lying in bed, going through Facebook, and an article came up from the local newspaper saying ‘Local boy’s body found’ So I clicked on it. I wanted to see who it was. And your name was there. Over the last few years, we stopped talking altogether. I pushed you away, but maybe if I stayed in contact, maybe made more of an effort, you wouldn’t have done this. I don’t want to make this about me Tom because I wish you knew how many people love you. Some of my happiest memories were of the school band, and how life was just so simple then. Remember when we went bowling? Or when we used to play pranks on one another in the band? I hold them close. We were so close, and now your gone, I can’t change things.

You took your life in your only happy place, the woods. Where all the beautiful flowers are coming into bloom, and the trees are all budding out. You always went down there, when you just wanted some alone time. Even before you took your life though, you still had one thing, one little thing that made you happy. You still held a little happiness till the end.

Tom, I hope you’re happy now, because you so deserve it. We won’t forget you x

~MonstersLivingInMyMind~

Speaking Out

Celebrities are coming out about their Mental Health struggles. Prince William & Harry have set up a Mental Health campaign. And I should be happy for this. I am happy for this. Mental Health is finally getting the awareness and correct publicity it deserves, who could want more?!

It’s the fact that we have had to get celebrities to speak out about their Mental Illnesses, and the Royal Family to start a campaign to finally bring it some attention. And I know what I sound like, moaning about bringing publicity to something that I suffer from every day, but its hard for me to accept that famous people are having to bare all worldwide to help bring a voice to Mentally Ill people.

And maybe this is just me. Maybe it’s me overthinking and analysing this whole situation a little too much. Yes, I am probably being quite cynical about this as well, and sounding like that we should not speak out about Mental Health. I am in no way saying that, all I am saying is that we have had to get people like Prince Harry to speak on national TV to his brother & wife about how he felt when his mother died, to get people to start going ‘Yes, we need to take this seriously’ That’s what is annoying me.

Only now are people beginning to take us seriously, and I could not be happier because finally, I get my voice heard, I don’t get to feel like an idiot or worthless compared to others because of what I go through. And that’s why I am grateful and so thankful for every single person, famous or not, who has spoken out about their Mental State. It should have not come to this, but I want to thank you because you have more guts than me. I hide behind a computer screen, showing pictures once in a while of myself, I could never do what you do.

Maybe this will help bring more awareness around Mental Health & end the stigma. Maybe it won’t.

~MonstersLivingInMyMind~

Mental Health & Me

Hello Everyone!

My name is Chelsea, I am 18 & live in sunny Cornwall. I live with various Mental Illnesses, along with a few physical ones. My life is not simple, quite honestly far from it, but then I know people have it worse out there. I run this blog for two main purposes, to help let off what is on my chest, but most importantly; to make sure that other people know that they are not alone out there.

I have been diagnosed with; Anxiety, Depression, Panic Attacks, Eating Disorders (Binging, Vomiting, Bulimia), Self Harm, and the latest to join the collection Disassociation.  Alongside this, I am now being assessed for Borderline Personality Disorder.

My medication is; Pizotifen, Propranolol, Duloxetine & Diazepam. I am quite blessed that I don’t take any more. I have tried out other medications including Citalopram & Sertraline along with a long list of others and different doses. I think, hope and pray that the ones I am currently on are doing their job.

I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on Mental Health as a whole and like to write about them. This is my way of letting off steam in a slightly more controlled way than fighting in person!! Mental Health is different for us all, we all get affected by it differently, and these are things I write about are just what I feel or have been through.

We need to change the culture of this topic and make it okay to speak about Mental Health & Suicide.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Happy Anniversary

Hello Everyone!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! It has been 1 whole year since I started this blog, and look where we are now!

We have come a long way on this blog, and I could have not done it without the support of any of you guys. The support you have given me has been incredible, more than what I could have wished for. I have gained 40+ followers, and each one of you guys makes me feel less lonely.

My next post will just be an update, welcoming you back to my ever so slightly manic life. It will be a bit of a longer one, but will hopefully give you an insight into my life, and what it is like for me with Mental Health.

Thank you all for sticking around and we will always welcome new people to this family of ours. Love you all lots!

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

The Boy & School

Hello Everyone!

You made my life hell. You never realised though, and that’s the worst. You have Autism, so what you were doing was acceptable to you, but to me, it was not even close. But I can’t put all the blame on you. The school has to take some of it.

My secondary school had under 400 pupils in it, and everyone knew everyone. I live in a small community where a school claims to be supportive. So tell me, where you supportive when I came to you in tears saying that this boy was following me? Where you supportive when I came to you saying this boy was touching me? No. You were never there for me. You thought me acting up in lessons was just a ‘rebel’ stage, it was never that, I never wanted to go to lessons because HE was there. You could not give two shits about that though. You thought I was just being a teenager when all I wanted was someone to ask me how I was.

Between both of you, you caused my self-esteem to go plummeting to the floor. I can’t walk into a classroom without feeling like I’m back in the school, being violated of my personal space. I can’t go to an exam without screaming and freaking out before hand because the silence brings back the memories of when you left me there. You left me there, with him, thinking that I was being dramatic. When I told you he touched me, you told me to stop being stupid.

When I told you he touched me, you told me to stop being stupid. You used his Autism as an excuse to not do anything. I work with children across the whole spectrum, and not once have I used that as an excuse of why they have pushed another child, or why they are acting up. They still need to know the difference between right and wrong.

The worst thing, this triggered me to start self-harming. I have scars on my body because you failed to take action. I have studied the Safeguarding policy inside out, and you clearly ignored all the signs that I presented. Even when you saw my open wounds, you never once thought to ask am I okay.

Between both of you, I just want to thank you. Thank you Boy, for making me feel worthless. Thank you, School, for leaving me in hell. Thank you, both, for letting me harm myself. You should take credit for what you have done.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Im Sorry

Hello Everyone!

I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately. This post won’t is long itself, I just wanted to keep you updated.

Life is hard at the moment and I’m in a situation which is a little sticky. I’m pulling through, and am proudly still 45+ days clean! It’s hard to keep going strong, but for anyone out there who is struggling, if I can still do it, then so can you.

I’m not going to explain everything in this post, and I’ll be back soon. For now, though, I just need a little time to adjust to my life. I hope you understand.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~