Change

I hate change. It’s something that I cant deal with too well, and that’s why I haven’t been active recently. My summer has been full of change, some for the good, others for the bad but I’m just going to focus on the positive.

I was able to step on a bus multiple times a day without having any fear, and with little discomfort being around other people. Something that might be simple for someone else but is incredibly difficult for me. I rehearse the lines of where I am going in my head to speak to the driver over and over and think of every question they could ask me to have the correct answer. Finding the correct seat on the bus as I don’t particularly want to speak or sit next to anyone else due to my personal space issue. Just the simple things.

I quit smoking finally! I have now been vaping and it has made such a good change for me in my life. I have to thank my youth worker for pressuring me into this, as if not for her I would not be doing what I am now, giving up something that destroys me.

I walked into my new college and spoke to various staff members without having one panic attack, nor an overwhelming feeling of Anxiety. This is my biggest change of all of them, as I don’t like being thrown in the deep end. I honestly feel like I’m happy over this, that I have found my little happy place, and that makes me so good and happy.

Sometimes our lives have to be completely shaken up, changed and rearranged to relocate us to the place we are meant to be.

~ MonstersLivingInMyMind~

Tattoo

Tattoos tell a story I think, about what someone has been through or how they are feeling inside. I have 3 tattoos, I have Treas’ wings on my back, an arrow with symbols on my foot, and a semicolon on my wrist. I decided to tell you the story of how I came to the decision of wanting these tattoos, and what they mean to me.

My 1st tattoo, angel wings with my grandmother’s nickname underneath 14224781_860135254118448_5141912494308692120_nit. 7 years ago, this world lost the most caring human that I ever knew. She gained her wings, and there is not a day that does not go by where I do not miss her. I wanted to tattoo her on me to remind me that she is always with me, maybe not in person, but definitely in heart and mind.

16729457_962661857199120_635516088258813602_n

My second tattoo is an arrow on my foot. My artist designed the arrow and added in my symbols for me, which read Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8 meaning that no matter how many times that you fall down, you must get up again and try. From dealing with all this, it would be so easy for me to give up on myself but this tattoo and quote reminds me that I got to carry on and fight this.

19702390_1050896485042323_5645235519858550708_n

Lastly, my semi-colon tattoo. The movement My story is not over has a lot of meaning to me. From self-harming to overdosing, and suicidal thoughts, this tattoo means so much to me. The pretty design above it is to show that even when things get dark, and you think there is no hope, something beautiful can still happen. I like the thought of this.

~MonstersLivingInMyMind~

 

 

 

100

I have been through shit and back. My life has done nothing but kills me inside recently. The loneliness has taken over me. The Anxiety. The Depression. The Eating. Everything.

There has been something good out of all this though. I have hit the 100 milestones. 100 days. It has been 100 days of me being Self Harm clean.

Through all this shit that my life has thrown at me, I have come out stronger more than I ever thought I ever could. I have only ever dreamed of this day for 4 years now, and I could not even be happier with myself. I have been so close to relapsing, to the point I made myself bed bound, but I pulled through it. Me. I did it.

Yes, I have support all around me, but if I wanted to relapse I would of. I built resilience, and I held strong. I haven’t hit rock bottom yet, I know I haven’t. But fucking hell will I try my best to not relapse.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Happy Anniversary

Hello Everyone!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! It has been 1 whole year since I started this blog, and look where we are now!

We have come a long way on this blog, and I could have not done it without the support of any of you guys. The support you have given me has been incredible, more than what I could have wished for. I have gained 40+ followers, and each one of you guys makes me feel less lonely.

My next post will just be an update, welcoming you back to my ever so slightly manic life. It will be a bit of a longer one, but will hopefully give you an insight into my life, and what it is like for me with Mental Health.

Thank you all for sticking around and we will always welcome new people to this family of ours. Love you all lots!

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Moment

Hello Everyone!

We all have moments in our lives that time just stands still. I would like to share a few with you.

17021725_965219943609978_1015581232286037640_n.jpg Tuesday 8th May 2012 – Zane Myan Wills came apart of our family

14224781_860135254118448_5141912494308692120_nThursday 9th September 2016 – Got my first tattoo in memory of Treas

15439754_920520398079933_7044405312095427457_n Friday 25th February 2016 – Started speaking to Rhys

16997919_965224243609548_8650706185323464685_n.jpg Friday 30th May 2014 – Saw Little Mix live for the 3rd and last time

My point is with all of this, we all have downs in life, some more than others, but through all of it, it is important to look back and see the good points.

Yeah, my life has not been easy for the past few years, but hell has I still made some amazing moments. I would say I wouldn’t change a thing, but then I would be lying, as preferably living without Mental Health problems is preferable, but hey ho, I’m still here!

Cherish the good moments in life, because sometimes they are few and far between.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~