Mental Health & Me

Hello Everyone!

My name is Chelsea, I am 18 & live in sunny Cornwall. I live with various Mental Illnesses, along with a few physical ones. My life is not simple, quite honestly far from it, but then I know people have it worse out there. I run this blog for two main purposes, to help let off what is on my chest, but most importantly; to make sure that other people know that they are not alone out there.

I have been diagnosed with; Anxiety, Depression, Panic Attacks, Eating Disorders (Binging, Vomiting, Bulimia), Self Harm, and the latest to join the collection Disassociation.  Alongside this, I am now being assessed for Borderline Personality Disorder.

My medication is; Pizotifen, Propranolol, Duloxetine & Diazepam. I am quite blessed that I don’t take any more. I have tried out other medications including Citalopram & Sertraline along with a long list of others and different doses. I think, hope and pray that the ones I am currently on are doing their job.

I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on Mental Health as a whole and like to write about them. This is my way of letting off steam in a slightly more controlled way than fighting in person!! Mental Health is different for us all, we all get affected by it differently, and these are things I write about are just what I feel or have been through.

We need to change the culture of this topic and make it okay to speak about Mental Health & Suicide.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Binging

Hello Everyone!

A binge is an episode of excessive eating or drinking. People who binge eat very large quantities of food over a short period of time, even when they’re not hungry. 

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Binge-eating/Pages/Introduction.aspx

I have been reading a lot about binging, and one statement I have found comes up quite a lot. ‘People who binge eat are usually overweight’. I would like to now speak out for myself and say that I am not overweight, I am in the correct weight zone. Yes, I fluctuate a lot between being ideal weight and underweight, but not once have I been overweight. I have been binging for about 3 years now.

I binge on everything and anything, and then I will starve myself from being ashamed of what I have done. I can starve myself for a day, with only drinking water as my main source of energy. Which I am well aware is very bad for me, but that’s how I gain control of myself.

I only have control over certain things in my life, and by starving myself is one of these ways. I know people think this is stupid, and yes your correct it is, but my brain is not like yours. No one is like anyone. We all have our own ways of life, and this is my way. Not the best way admittedly, but still my way.

My name is Chelsea, and I am a Binge Eater.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

#NED

Hello Everyone!

In honour of this week being National Eating Disorder Week, I decided that I would share my experiences and thoughts with you.

The thing that I get most annoyed about is when someone says the words ‘Just eat’. Yep, that’s it, it cured. Wow look at me eat all this food, them words have changed me, and if you can’t sense my sarcasm then maybe you shouldn’t read this post. If I could just eat, it would be perfect, but I can’t. My brain is physically telling me not. My heart says yes, but my head says no, and my brain is much more powerful over this sort of thing than my heart will ever be.

I have been officially diagnosed with Bulimia & Binge Eating. I also fast and self-induce. This is what I live with, day in, day out. Just because I might be a healthy weight, does not mean I can’t have this. I am 51kg, with a healthy BMI. But I don’t see this as perfect, I wish I could be skinnier, and feel more confident. I make myself throw up because of I’m so scared of putting on weight, that thought literally terrifies me.

Recovery is not just putting on weight, it’s trying to change your perspective on food. When you grow to hate food that much, the thought of doing anything involving it makes me feel horrible. I don’t like going out for meals, food shopping is a nightmare, and trying to eat around others is like hell. I have to change my brain, and that hard, and it will take time.

Happy #NEDAwareness Week

~Monsters Living In My Mind~