I coax people out from self-harming, yet I still create new wounds on my own body. I tell people that life is worth everything and not to take their life, but I still sit here planning different ways that I could commit myself. I help to motivate others when their Depression takes over their body, even when I am laying in bed for the 3rd day in a row because I can’t find the strength myself.
The saying goes Practice what you preach, but I don’t. It’s traditionally used in a more ironic scenario like saying to someone Hey! Smoking is bad for you, but then again I can’t say anything. Gotta practice what you preach. Although I’m not using it in that sense, it still applies and implies the exact same thing. I have no problems trying to help others out, but when it comes to helping myself out, I suck at that.
I’m writing this because I laid awake last night convincing my friend that she was alright after her Panic Attack, and speaking my other friend out of overdosing because she cants live this life anymore. Once they went to sleep, I just stared at my ceiling. I realised that I give out all this love and support, but emotionally and physically abuse myself when it comes to my Mental Health. I think I have worked out why though I do this.
These people, my friends, they don’t deserve to be going through this, they are good people who are nothing more than kind and caring to the world and would never damage it. I want to take all that pain they are feeling, and let it come to me because I know that my body will get used to all this pain, just like it has before.
Maybe I should start taking my own advice, or as they say, Practice what you preach
(PS Don’t forget to follow my Instagram! @monsterslivinginmymind)