Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!

Thank you to everyone who has liked any of my posts, commented or even followed me. I have reached over 20 followers which honestly makes me so happy!

I don’t do it for the follows nor the likes, but to know that other people like what they read, makes me feel happy. It’s like someone is listening to me, and that is so nice.

Thank you all for everything, and will see you all soon! There will be a post before the end of 2016, I hope you stick around!

Love you all, Chelsea AKA Monsters Living In My Mind 🙂 x

Sick

Hello Everyone!

Im sick, but you can’t see it. Im dying inside, but you can’t see it. It’s in my brain, so it’s not true. How can you be sick if it’s not visible? There are no visible signs that you are sick. Yeah, you have cuts, but they think you are okay. They say we do it for attention because we are desperate attention seeking people. We just want to escape.

Day in day out, we hear people say that Mental health is not real. How do you know it’s not real? Can you see it? Can you prove it? You aren’t me, you don’t know what goes on. How would you know if its real if you don’t have it?

You know my name, but not my story. You hear what I have done, but not what I have been through. If you took a walk in my shoes, you would fall at the first step.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Self-Care

Hello Everyone!

What do you do for Self Care? Do you take a bath, read a book, go for a walk, listen to music? So many ways we can look after ourselves, but yet do we actually do any?

I constantly get asked what I do for ‘me’ time, and I say something along the lines of ‘I lay in bed, with a hot chocolate watching a movie’ which is about average. But that does not feel like self-care, as that is just ingrained into my daily routine. I don’t look after myself when doing this, I do it every day.

I can’t self-care myself if I have self-harmed because I have done badly. If I stay clean for a certain amount of days, yeah I buy a chocolate bar, but what happens if I relapse? Do I still buy myself that treat, because I tried, or do I leave it because I did a bad thing?

Tonight, I will have a bath, to celebrate moving out of my bed to go to the Dr’s surgery. Something small to you, but massive for me.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Anxiety & Depression

Hello Everyone!

I never chose to have Anxiety, nor did I with Depression, but I somehow landed with it on my plate. Anxiety doesn’t have times where it comes, it can be at any time or any place, and I can’t stop it from taking over. I don’t choose when or how it hits me.

Smile, smile, smile, its what I do best. A smile can hide a million emotions. Throughout the time I have mastered the perfect smile to make it seem like my life is fine, and that everything is all okay when in fact everything is falling apart in front of my eyes.

They all say relax, but I can’t. Take a bath, but then I’m left with my own thoughts. Read a book, but that’s too quiet for me. Listen to music, but then that’s too loud. Nothing can save me when I am with my own thoughts.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Review

Hello Everyone!

So Facebook has launched the Year In Review, and I was reading an article on this, and it got me thinking. Yes, it might show my year, but it doesn’t show the truth.

It shows the time we went to Brighton, the time I went to Dublin, My 18th Birthday pictures, and all the great times I have shared with people. It doesn’t show the fight I have had, the depression that has taken over me, the nights were I cried myself to sleep, the binging, the vomiting and all the rest.

The pain that college is putting me through, being told I can’t see a person who has helped me through the bad times, the thoughts of overdosing, the thoughts of dying, the pain of the scars. No one sees that on Facebook, and do you know why? Because we don’t show that part of our lives.

No one wants to see the times where I’m struggling, the times when I’m relapsing, the times where I’m dying inside. They post things on Facebook like ‘If you need me, you can talk to me’ but we all know how much bullshit that is. I could message you, and you would just say it gets better.

Facebook in the review, showing only 10% of my life.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Lazy

Hello Everyone!

I’m not lazy, I am far from it. Fighting a battle in my head every single day of my life, that would make anyone tired.

They say you become immune to tiredness, but in my case, this is not true. I may have done 0% exercise, and just been in my bed, but while laying in bed, my brain is finding 101 ways to kill myself.

The depression is taking over, that happiness in my brain is being overshadowed by a thundercloud.

The Anxiety is telling me that I should not be lazing around doing nothing, but then it’s telling my feet not to move, as something might be out there that will harm me.

I’m not lazy, I swear to you, I’m tired of fighting this battle in my head, and I need your help to stop it.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Wish Upon A Star

Hello Everyone!

A while back, I wrote a post called ’11:11′, where every day at 11:11 I make a wish. But I make wishes other ways as well.

Wishing upon a star. My nan used to sing a little rhyme when I was younger, ‘Little star, how bright you shine, can you hear this wish of mine’ We would point to a star each, and then hold hands and close our eyes and make our wish. When we finished our wish, we would squeeze each other’s hands, to indicate that we were done.

I used to make many different wishes, some were normal, others were bonkers.

6 years she has been gone now, so I have changed it slightly now. I find the brightest star in the sky, and I believe it’s her. I make a wish upon her, in hopes, she is listening.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

 

Train Thoughts

Hello Everyone!

I am writing this post while on a train, and am needing a distraction!

The date is Sunday 18th December and the time is 14.20. I’m sitting on my own, 3 seats all to myself, I should be grateful for this, but I am in need of company.

I spent the weekend with Rhys, and not having to hug, to talk, or have interaction with anyone is weird. My carriage is almost empty, only a few people on here. 

The sound of a screaming child is quite nice right now, it stops my brain from overworking. Leaving Rhys is always hard, but this time it was espically hard, as it’s Christmas and I won’t see him till after now. It’s the low after the high, and I can tell you I am feeling this low very hard!!

Time to get some sleep, before my train arrives in. 

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

A Day In The Life

Hello Everyone!

Well, I thought I would give you a run down of one of my days. It’s not an average day, as I went down to see Rhys, but I took photos of the main points, and I will fill you in on the rest. So lets ago!

15421019_920520228079950_2948374169643361468_n.jpg7.00am ~ Waking up in the morning <<Im sorry!

7.30am ~ Get ready for placement.

  • Had a bowl of cereal.15439833_920520241413282_1624198138496399289_n

8.30am/3.00pm ~ Placement, where I got peed upon multiple times which was great fun!

  • Had a sandwich.15420910_920520258079947_4890593143095519045_n

3.00pm ~Walk into town and wait for the bus.

3.30pm ~ Had a lovely chat with a girl at the bus stop when a man came up to us and asked us when the next bus to London was. Bearing in mind I live in Cornwall, we both laughed quite hard!!
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4.00pm ~ Bus journey (Where I had a panic attack as I felt like I could not breathe which was good fun!)

5.10pm ~ Arrived at the train station where I waited in the rain shivering my ass off!!15439754_920520398079933_7044405312095427457_n

5.20pm ~Train arrives (Thank fuck for that, swear I was getting frostbite!) And while on the train, I got a big wave of anxiety
y, so curled up on the seat and cried for a bit.

6.30pm ~ Arrived at Rhys house.15590163_920520378079935_6890523123485517580_n

7.00pm ~ Had Dominos pizza, felt guilty when and after eating it. Was tempted to self-induce, but resisted this urge.

8.00pm ~ Movie time, which was Jack Whitehall, and a funny TV show that forgotten the name of!

??.??pm ~ I lost track of time and went to bed!

This was a good day for me, I will do a bad day soon for you all, so you can compare.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

 

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Love you Rhys 😉

 

Colour

Hello Everyone!

15400568_920202968111676_2050706123034228281_n

I would like to recommend a book to you all. My mum bought it for me, saying that she was not sure if it was going to help, but was worth a shot.

 

The Mindfulness Companion ~ Dr Sarah Jane Arnold

This book is a colouring book, with insightful information and tips of how to calm yourself in it. I find that normally I don’t like these books as IL find them patronising at the best of times. But this book is nothing like that.

It helps you concentrate on your breathing, the movements of your pencil strokes, and teaches you ways to calm yourself. You also have little sections in the book to write your feelings down, and how the book might have taught you a new way.

I love this book, it has been my lifeline at times.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~