Mental Health & Me

Hello Everyone!

My name is Chelsea, I am 18 & live in sunny Cornwall. I live with various Mental Illnesses, along with a few physical ones. My life is not simple, quite honestly far from it, but then I know people have it worse out there. I run this blog for two main purposes, to help let off what is on my chest, but most importantly; to make sure that other people know that they are not alone out there.

I have been diagnosed with; Anxiety, Depression, Panic Attacks, Eating Disorders (Binging, Vomiting, Bulimia), Self Harm, and the latest to join the collection Disassociation.  Alongside this, I am now being assessed for Borderline Personality Disorder.

My medication is; Pizotifen, Propranolol, Duloxetine & Diazepam. I am quite blessed that I don’t take any more. I have tried out other medications including Citalopram & Sertraline along with a long list of others and different doses. I think, hope and pray that the ones I am currently on are doing their job.

I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on Mental Health as a whole and like to write about them. This is my way of letting off steam in a slightly more controlled way than fighting in person!! Mental Health is different for us all, we all get affected by it differently, and these are things I write about are just what I feel or have been through.

We need to change the culture of this topic and make it okay to speak about Mental Health & Suicide.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Anxiety

Hello Everyone!

Anxiety is the feeling of fear or panic. Most people feel anxious, panicky or fearful about situations in life, such as money problems or exams but often once the difficult situation is over, you feel better and calmer. Sometimes the feelings of fear or anxiety continue after the difficult situation or sometimes you may feel a stronger sense of fear than other people and this is when anxiety becomes a problem and can affect you doing everyday things. 

~ http://www.youngminds.org.uk/for_children_young_people/whats_worrying_you/anxiety/what_is_anxiety ~

My diagnoses of Anxiety is a Generalised Anxiety Disorder. If I get worried about something, then I can feel my heart start to race up, my hands can become quite sweaty, I become light headed, and my breathing becomes irregular. This is what they call an Anxiety attack.

Anxiety is not just your average worrying, though. It’s worrying over things that can be silly, and many times irrational. I basically risk assess everywhere I go mentally. So say I’m going for a walk, I think of my exact route through, knowing exactly where I’m going, I will then think of every way possible, both sensible and ludicrous things that can happen to me, and how I will deal with this.

Just because I might not look like I am a person who has Anxiety, does not mean I don’t have it. Lots of things happen behind closed doors, and a smile can hide millions of problems from the inside. Sometimes Anxiety Attacks don’t have any rhyme or reason for coming on, they just do. You could be sitting there and suddenly your brain can jump from 0 to 60 in a second, and worry about everything and anything. Then the heart starts speeding up, and so on and so forth.

My name is Chelsea, and I have Anxiety.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Boat

Hello Everyone!

I’m in this boat, its full but not with people or objects. It’s full of Mental Health. This boat is not real, it’s in my mind so no one else can see it. I can tell you all about this boat, so many facts and stories that have happened on this boat, the highs and lows, and the waves and storms.

This boat, it’s been a part of me for a few years now. To begin with, I had a bit of company, I had Anxiety on board firstly, followed closely by Depression. As time has gone on, we got more and more company. Sometimes they like the build their own boat and go on a little vacation without me, which is quite nice, but they always come back.

On this boat, we have just welcomed our latest member Disassociation. It’s becoming tougher now, though, this is only a small boat, and I have so many people on it. And I don’t know how much more this boat is going to take before it goes down. The company is trying to sink my boat, and I’m trying so hard to keep it floating. As quickly as it draining the boat out, they just bring more back in. And they don’t help to clear it.

I don’t want this company anymore, I need someone to help me keep the water out instead of bringing more in. The more company I get, the harder it is getting to keep everything afloat. We sometimes have slip ups, and sometimes we might fall overboard, but that does not stop anyone from coming back. They don’t realise, they are weighing me down. And it’s becoming a lot harder to keep my strength.

My boat is sinking again, and I can’t stop it this time.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

Fighting

Hello Everyone!

‘Just keep fighting, you can do this’ ‘I won’t give up fighting’ ‘Fighting to the last breath’

But I’m tired of fighting. I want to give up. Saying these quotes won’t change my whole mind, the mind that is constantly having a battle with.

I will be truthful, I had given up for a while, and having another break from fighting. Fighting is tiring, you lose energy even if it is just in your head. I lay in my bed, just letting the depression take over me, the suicidal thoughts overflow me, the self-harm control me.

After a big fight, people are out of breath, they are worn out. Having a battle in your head, its exactly the same. I will keep on fighting, but at the moment, I need a time out.

It maybe 2 days, 2 weeks, or 2 months, but ill gets back to fighting when I can.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~