They say your family should accept you for who you are. That no matter what you go through, they will always be there for you. I wish I could say that my family accepts me for who I am, but I would be lying if I said they were.

You ask my Dad what diagnoses I have, he will say Depression with a little Anxiety. Go to my Mum and ask her what she thinks of me taking tablets, and she will say that I take too many and none of them works. Go to my Brother and ask him what he thinks of Mental Health in general, he will tell you its bullshit and is nothing but a mindset. You goto any other family member and ask them about my Mental Health, and they would have no clue what you are on about, as my parents want to keep it under wraps. Its like they are ashamed to admit that I have ill Mental Health.

They will deny that, everything I just said above they will deny all of it. They will say that they support me through everything, and they are not ashamed of me. Yet, whenever I put anything to do with Mental Health on Facebook, they freak out.I put up once about how an organisation I volunteer for have helped me through dark times, and that is legit all I wrote. They both told me to take it down, as not everyone needs to know my troubles and its a family situation. A family situation my ass.

There is a reason I do this on my own because if I involved them, they would constantly be interfering, telling me to do it one way and not another. They would take over my care, telling me the best way to get better, when in reality I’m the only one who knows whats best for me. We’ve had many arguments over this whole subject, and they think they know everything that’s going on. Mum thinks I’m clean from self-harm, she doesn’t know that a few nights ago I relapsed again. Dad thinks that these new tablets are working miracles on me, the truth is I’ve only got better at hiding it now.

See, I’m not ashamed of who I am. I’m, to put this as politely as I can, a fucked up human with quite a few issues. I’m not scared to say that, as I know its true. I don’t lead a plain sailing life, I struggle big time, yet my family want the world to believe that nothing is wrong with me. My long medical folder and the tablets I take would suggest differently. The thing is as well, this is where the stigma comes from. People tell you all the time to speak out, and god knows I have tried so many times, yet my parents are the prime example of the people in society that create the whole thing.

I asked my Mum once what she though Mental Illness meant. She said Someone who is a psyco killer. Its good to know where my ground lies.


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