A few months ago, I was told something that has played on my mind, more recently than ever. I can’t stop thinking about it, yet what they said was such a simple sentence, and one I have heard many times in my life. This time though, it hit me a little harder than expected. Maybe its because at that time I was more vulnerable, and needed comfort. All they said was Stop running away from things that scare you, fight it.
I was in college, and it was a few days before my exam. My teacher was talking about the exam, and it got me panicked up. I walked out the lesson, I ran away from the thing that I was fearful of. A while later, when I was calming down, she came and found me. She looked at me a way I’ve never seen before. It was not a pitty look, not an angry look, nor a sympathy look… it was more like a Please listen to me look. And in a calm voice, she just said the words. The words I have heard over 100x before had hit me hard.
Today, I had a maths lesson. An average day, one just like any other. These last few weeks though, I have been scared to attend these lessons though and I keep avoiding them. I don’t know why I’m scared though, but everytime someone mentions me attending a lesson on maths, I freak out. I run away, I cant face my fear. Maybe its that I’m scared I’m going to fail again. Or that is too far behind to ever catch up. Or that I’m going to disappoint my family once again. Maybe its all of that.
That quote though, every time I miss a lesson I just think of it. It plays on my mind. I say it to myself again and again. Its kind of like it haunts me. Today though, there was a question that I had with it. How? How do I stop running away from the things that most scare me? And I asked her. I went to her and asked her how do I do this. She said You got to find the courage deep within you. Run with it, not away. If you run with it, it will get shorter away and make it more bearable.
It suddenly all became quite clear, I’ve got to run with my fears. I’ve now got to face them.