Addict

I’m an addict. This is a conclusion I have recently come to.My medication I take, I cant come off it anymore, not without bad withdraws, not without major lows, not without the feeling of wanting to be dead.

That’s scary, the fact that I now heavily rely on some tablets to keep me feeling sane. My brother says its the placebo effect that the medication is having on me, that I want them to be helping so they are. I wanted my other tablets to work and they didn’t, so how come the placebo effect didn’t work?

I kind of find it funny, that I thought tablets would solve all my solve all my problems and I would be right as rain. Boy oh boy was I wrong, and far from right as I could possibly be. I think my tablets have now caused more issues than help. Its great I’m not as Depressed anymore, whats not so great is the fact my panic attacks are more intense and I have a constant need to shake my foot/leg all the time. Its great I don’t experience heart in mouth anymore, whats not great is they cause me nose bleeds all the time.

The side effects are the worst sometimes. I take Diazepam to stop the intensity of my panic attacks, but to stop them I experience tiredness, drowsiness, and nausea. O well, that’s just great!

Thing is though, people think that we want to be like this. I started tablets at age 14 if my memory serves me right, and now all I wish is to come off them. I don’t want to be on them anymore. My mum thinks I want to be on these. No mum, I don’t, but I don’t have a choice over this anymore. I have Mental Health difficulties if you like it or not, and unfortunately, I cant get rid of them in a snap of a finger. I wish I could.

I’m an addict, and it’s not a fun life to live.

~MonstersLivingInMyMind~

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