Okay, I’m just going to be straight out and honest with you guys. I relapsed. 22 days clean, and I went back to my beloved self-harm ways.
You can all be mad at me, I more likely deserve it. The thing is, we always get asked why we self-harm, and the truth is (for me anyway), it’s my escape from reality. I don’t have control in my life, and I can only control a few things, and I can control this.
Controlling how I feel makes me feel like I have control over my life, even if it is just for 30 seconds. To know when I self-harm, to know what I am doing, it makes me feel human. And I am 100% aware of how crazy that sounds, but its true, I feel like I can be a normal human being again.
I know its stupid. I was reading an article the other day about mental health and self-harm, and loads of people said it’s ‘Just a cop out’, or ‘There are people fighting for their lives, and here you are trying to end it’. A famous quote goes something like Take a walk in my shoes, and see what my life is like. Forget my shoes, take a trip in my mind, live in it for 1/2 hour, and then tell me its a walk in the park.
~Monsters Living In My Mind~