Not Like This

Remember when we were young, 5 years old running around with the wind in our hair, not giving one care. We complained when we had to go bed at 9.00, we groaned if our mums wouldn’t let us leave the table until we had one more spoonful of peas. Having your dad come in your bedroom, doing a cocktail impression, and then gently stroking your head, to bring you to the new, fresh day. The goodnight hug you would give your brother, because no matter how many times you fought that day, you would never go to bed on an argument. The family days out, skipping along hand in hand with your mum, laughing and giggling. The life you led was so perfect, you thought you were going to be so happy for all of your life.

Except they did not turn out like this.

That wind in your hair, and not giving one care has turned into laying in your bed, caring about everything. When you used to complain about going bed at 9.00, you now lay in your bed all day, sleeping your days away. You cry yourself to sleep every night, wondering when would be the right time to kill yourself, as you can’t find any better way out, and you can’t deal with holding on anymore. She used to make you eat your pea’s and now you struggle just to eat one spoonful of anything, or you eat everything in edge way, to compensate your feelings. Them family days out, they no longer exist, your parents go out on weekends, your brother works nights, and you can’t find the motivation to do anything. You thought your life was going to be perfect, and now you’re just a disappointment of a human, trying to find one reason to live.

~Monsters Living In My Mind~

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