I have had people walk in and out of my life so frequently, it just becomes natural to me. One thing that does not change though, is the pain that it leaves with all the memories I have had with them. I have made a lot of mistakes, I will always admit that, and I make things worse for myself then what is necessary. I don’t, and never will, want to hurt anyone by this, it is just the way my brain thinks that it is easier to keep friends.
If the people who have waked out of my life just take 2 minutes in my shoes, they will know the real me. The me who cries over the silliest thing, the one who has learnt to smile through a panic attack that is tearing her down piece by piece, the person who has been heart far to many times for her to cope, but still goes through. I never wanted to lose you, but I pushed you away further, until you could no longer touch me.
No matter how many people come into my life, they can never replace the memories I had with others that are no longer there for me. I sometimes wish that I could relive those memories, but then, I remember the pain that you left me in, and what I left them in, and then I wish I could go back and change how things were, and make it better.
Now, we walk past each other like we are strangers. No matter what though, I will always smile at you each time we pass each other, if we are in an event together, I will always say hi to you, and ask you how you are. I don’t care if you look the other way, dont say a word, or even walk away, because I caused you pain, and I hate myself so much for that, not enough sorry’s will ever tell you how much I hate myself.
You don’t worry though, you left me in the back ground of your life, and I am just a memory to you now, I just got to move on. I will one day but at the moment, I’m clinging on hoping things will work out.
~ Monsters Living In My Mind ~