Living with Anxiety, the thing that makes me have constant butterflies in my tummy, the one that makes me feel nervous to do anything and everything, the one that makes me over think everything I do in life, coming up with many reasons why this could be a bad idea.
There are many types of Anxiety, I’m just going to talk about my sort of Anxiety. So to begin with, why do I put Anxiety with a capital A. This is not so the word stands out or anything, it is because I treat my Anxiety as a person, like a living human that I can only see. I always cope with this better, as I find when I’m fighting with nothing, you won’t get anywhere, but fighting with a person, you want to come out the winner. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t.
One thing I get told more often than not, is that it is all in my brain, why can’t I just stop thinking about it. Anxiety does not have an on off switch, I wish it did though. I hate when things change, I get shaky and get major butterflies if I don’t know the full plan on what’s going. For a girl who loves surprise parties, it’s a nightmare, as I love the sensation of being surprised, I hate the part where everyone is acting weird to try not to tell me. It’s a weird feeling, one that is not easy to explain.
I always feel like I’m annoying people when I am presence, like they don’t want me there, when they actually do. The thoughts that go through my brain when someone laughs behind me, I think they are laughing at me, when they aren’t, they’re laughing about a joke. Organising an outing, and then counselling, as there are so many things that could go wrong your brain says, when there is hardly none.
Sometimes I wish I could run away from my Anxiety. Sometimes it makes me stronger.
~ Monsters Living In My Mind ~